Journal 3: My Daughter Has an Eating Disorder, or Does She?  How I Addressed Assault and Other Abuse

Well, now we see!   This has been an exhausting week of travel and emotional strain.  I called the hospital like I do each night hoping to speak with my daughter and the nurse who answered the phone said, “Um, she’s being taken to the ER.  Sorry we haven’t had time to call you yet.”   They said they were very concerned about my daughter’s hemoglobin level from her lab work was so low she needed to be addressed at a higher level of care.  They also discovered blood in her stool.  That night I talked to ER doctors who were perplexed about her condition but administering IV fluids and nutrition quickly.  They did a few routine tests that revealed my daughter needed a colonoscopy and endoscopy.  My husband and I arrived the next day because we were so far away.

Endoscopy revealed my daughter has a healthy pink esophagus; however the pictures we saw of her large intestine and colon were shocking to see: inflammation, puss and bumpy masses all over.  No doubt about it, she has Severe Ulcerative Colitis (UC).  We learned this is a hereditary condition that has no cure.  You just pray and work hard for the UC to go into remission.  Many people live full good lives with UC when it goes into remission.  Others have to have surgery to remove parts that are badly damaged or the entire thing to get well.  We do not know exactly what the future holds for my daughter.

She is slowly gaining weight by eating double portions and working hard in therapy to help her issues with attachment and anxiety.  We visited her last weekend and noticed a pink color coming back in her face.  It’s hard to be away from her but we also know that bringing her home could be fatal if things go in the wrong direction and we do not catch it.  We feel at peace that she is in the best place for now being monitored so closely medically.

However, there is a downside to where she is: the other patients.  One afternoon she called me crying hysterically.  Another girl hit her.  She was so upset I couldn’t’ even make out what the full story was exactly.  I did learn after asking questions that she wasn’t bleeding and there weren’t any marks left on her body.  I think this incident was more harmful to her heart than it was her body.  Later I was able to speak with a staff member who described the “hit” as a slap and it happened twice.  The first time the girl slapped my daughter from behind and my daughter didn’t even know who had slapped her.  They called all the residents of the unit together and questioned the girls until one girl stood up and said, “I’m the one who hit her and I’ll do it again!”  She then slapped my daughter a second time!

The hospital took measures to isolate the girl who slapped my daughter.  They moved my daughter to another unit because she told them she didn’t feel safe.  I called the police station closest to my daughter’s location.   They conducted interviews with both girls and documented the event as a “simple assault.”  What a stressful evening!  I mostly wanted my daughter to know that it’s NEVER ok for someone to slap/hit/assault her and that I will always be her advocate!

I’m bothered by minors experiencing crimes like assault and sexual abuse that never get reported.   When this happens I believe these kids tell themselves they do not matter, nobody cares and that they’re not important.   They become victims and believe they are nobody.  YES, some crimes have the potential to make it on the front page of the paper and I know nobody wants their family stuff in the paper, but to neglect reporting and documenting can really bite you later on in the long run.

I’ve walked with other foster kids through criminal court proceedings where they had to face their offender head on in court.  This is the toughest thing they might ever do in life and it’s terrifying but I’ve also learned this has the opposite effect on a child that not reporting or not pursuing has!  Facing the offender in court teaches your child you’re not afraid and that what happened to them is NOT OK.  It also builds their self-esteem and helps them understand that you’re there to support them through thick and thin and that you as their parent will do the right thing for them, tough or not!  This is why I called police.  I also called police because I’m so far away from her and I didn’t see the details.  I cannot see her face and know exactly what happened.

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