One Foster Mom’s Lament

A lament is a difficult conversation with God.  Laments are meant for God and not for other humans, but I share this lament I wrote years ago in hopes of educating others about what foster care felt like to me.  When you become a foster parent you invite children into your home who have experienced deep traumas in their lives, some of them ravaged by sin.  I feel like I have absorbed some of their pain and that was a privilege.

Lord, I cry out to You!

O powerful One who holds the whole world in His hands

Giver of peace and redemption, hear my cry, Oh Lord.

 

My foster daughter has been spiritually mangled,

She is a tormented soul.

She clothes herself with shame.

She sees no worth in herself and rejects kind words and compliments.

 

Her father is incarcerated for heinous sexual crimes.

May he receive the punishment he deserves!

May those in prison do to him as he has done to others.

May justice happen to him on this side of eternity.

 

Her mother all dressed up like a slut, focused on her looks and herself instead of her children.

Selfish ways and sexuality taught way too young.

Bathing her children in bleach telling them their dark skin is ugly.

Bound by the craziest superstitions.

Kissing her infant son’s penis and the department just calls it motherly affection!

 

The little one doesn’t even speak.

Her sibling, he holds it all inside.

They don’t want him so they shipped him to Mexico to aunty and grandma.

He’s back here now, lost as ever, about to turn 4 or 5 and doesn’t speak.

Stunted growth and maturity, failure to thrive.

He cried out while dad locked himself into a room with him.

To dad he is sexual pleasure.

 

Hard, calloused knees and callouses on the tops of their feet.

Punishment by kneeling in corn meal scattered on the floor.

 

Children, stay away from strangers!

They’re all bad!  We don’t associate with anyone but our family!

This family lived just one building over from where I run an after school program for at-risk kids.

We never knew each other.

Just within an arm’s reach.

 

The younger girl is the favorite.

The older girl and her mom just decided they hate one another and that’s just how it’s going to be.

Vicious physical fights of hair pulling and screaming in front of the younger kids.

 

The younger girl gets gifts; she has a different dad.

The older is ignored, abused and neglected, but she cares for the little baby boy like he is her own.

 

Mom let’s sex offending dad back in the home when he gets out of jail for abusing another girl.

It starts all over again.

The baby boy crying locked up in a room with him.

The oldest plots what she will do when the police come.

She knows it’s just a matter of time until they find out he is back.

 

No one can help BUT YOU oh LORD!

You rescued these precious children and brought them into Your light.

You brought them to me and I pointed them to You.

These girls made faith decisions and have tried to follow Your ways.

 

Sorrow is the staple of their souls.

Free them God from the pain.

She wears a mantle of shame that consumes her.

She feels more comfortable suffering and feels she deserves to suffer.

Free her LORD!

MAKE of her a beautiful testimony of Your hesed!

Help her to trust!

Help her to let go and define herself according to Your Word and not by what her family has said about her.

Protect her God.

Give her a strong desire to follow you, no matter what.

Reach her hands, heart and mind out to You.

May she not be afraid of true love: YOU.

 

God, I give her to You because I know I’m not enough for her.

Heal her LORD.

Take away the unhealthy desires she has.

May she seek YOU and not the pleasures of earthly men or things.

Care for her sweet baby LORD.

May she raise her head and follow YOU.

For YOU oh LORD are the great divine healer!

YOU are the only One who can set us free!

You are the one who commands all things on the earth.

Save this one LORD!

May she be a part of YOUR Kingdom for ever and ever Amen!

 

Forgive me LORD.

I have hatred and bitterness towards their parents.

I know You love them too.

Redeem them LORD.  I know You can.  Draw them close through Your Spirit.

Please heal Holy Spirit, heal, like only You can!

Reign in all the earth LORD Reign!

Jesus YOU are King!

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